My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize