at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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