i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
