I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
