i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
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