why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
