I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
