As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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