you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you never un-have a 4some
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
