Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
