you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
