I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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