didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
