Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
