I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
