White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
