The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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