I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize