you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
