I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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