Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
