You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i dont even know how to be here
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
