I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize