I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
