you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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