things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
