i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
