Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just want to make out with him forever
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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