Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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