why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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