We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
