What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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