I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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