My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
