office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
