she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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