What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
