I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This is my gift to your gina
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
