DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
