As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
