saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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