Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
