actually, I'm a sock model
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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