Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
