I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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