did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize