I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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