How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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