Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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