She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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