Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
