Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
