Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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