well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize