I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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