A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
