I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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