i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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