There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
