I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
