i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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