Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
