3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
