I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
MIDGETS
????
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
