she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize